( Apr. 20th, 2001 01:23 pm)
It's so nice outside and I have massive amounts of work to do. Vacations are never long enough. Spent all day yesterday in Noho applying to employment agencies in hopes of a summer job. It was rather exhausting. I also didn't have time to drink, eat,or pee until 5:30. But anyway.

My dreams weren't helpful. In fact, I can't even remember what they were. I'm still confused. My friend says I should talk to my gf and he is probably right. But its such a touchy issue and she's in a rough place right now and I feel like I'm being selfish. But something isn't right. And there are things I miss. Actually, I kind of miss boys. And I think I want to give the whole poly thing another go, but I don't think she's going to go for it, not now. We've put it on the back burner for so long that I think she thinks that I don't feel that way anymore. I hate having difficult serious conversations. Still very confused.
( Nov. 11th, 2000 02:12 am)
I can't believe it actually happened. I had given up on the moment ever occuring. (course that's when things tend to occur to me, when I let go of them happening) I havent' felt anything for weeks and now my body won't stop tingling. Sensory overload. I'm somewhere between laughing and crying and I haven't had this much energy in weeks. And I suppose it's a really good thing. But whoa...my thoughts just keep spinning. Must just enjoy, must just enjoy. (Now I am just going to let you be curious hehehe. I know I'm mean and evil)

I bought myself a happy toy (no it does not use batteries :) )
My roommate has a big sebastian (from the little mermaid) in her car cause she said it makes her smile and keeps her sane. So I bought my self a mini beanie Bubbles (the powerpuff girl) and she is going to go everywhere with me. So far it works. She makes me smile.

And even before above moments, I actually felt a little bit lighter today. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. However far away it is.




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