So I'm writing and this is worrying me. When I am happy I don't need to writie. And I'm writing. And maybe it is just being on vacation that makes me think or gives me time to think I really miss having a social life. I went to Haven last night and it was just so strange because there were so many people that I hadn't seen in a really long time. ANd I've been thinking a lot about my relationship and where I want it to go. I just feel rather confused right now. I just don't know what I want. Things from my past are coming back to me and making me think. I've had so many relationships and I still don't know how to make them work or what I really want.
What happens when you have two needy people in a relationship...someone doesn't get their needs met. And I'm being selfish. Partly out of force of habit. It's been so long since someone has needed me. I don't know how to deal with that, I don't know what to do. I know it sounds strange. I don't know what she needs. She won't let me in. And my life has been so hectic with graduating and student teaching that I haven't had a lot of time to just sit and figure it out.
aaaaaargh!!!!! I just like to make everything so god damn complicated and dramatic. I'm so masochistic. GRRRRRRR!!!! I just want a social life with friends and people to hang out with and have fun and relationships that I don't make complicated.
Maybe its just that I've been cooped up to long and life has been so socially boring that I am creating some drama to stop the boredom. I think I'm just going to go to bed, maybe I'll dream about it and figure it out.