( Jun. 25th, 2001 12:41 pm)
So Allan went with me to the ER and we waited about forever to discover I had a tonsil infection. So they gave me a prescription for penicillin and sent me on my way. The wonder of antibiotics, I feel soooo much better. I got to relax most of the weekend as well, which I desparately needed.

Another interview today. This one offers more money but I not sure how I feel about the site itself. I have another batch of resumes to send out so maybe I'll find a place with good pay that I like.

That's about it this weekend. Sleeping and vegging. Getting very pissed off with the bugs that want to live in my house. I vacuumed the living room and my room is next. Maybe that will keep some of them away. There not a lot of them but I don't really like having any in my house.

OOoo I stopped drinking coffee. At least until I'm done with the antibiotics. I think part of what cause the infection is me being dehydrated. So less caffiene for awhile.

Okay back to my oh so stressful job (bursts out in fit of laughter).
( Jun. 21st, 2001 12:18 pm)
Now before anyone tries to call me tonight, I am not going anywhere. Noone is coming to visit. I am spending the night with myself enjoying the solstice. No I mean it. I need to get some things done and I need to sleep. No, really I will not find some reason to stay up late. Must avoid taking a nap today.
( Oct. 30th, 2000 06:29 pm)
my weekend...mostly me coming in and out of conciousness. I think I am finally better. I hope at least. Saturday I saw Ani, it would have been better had I not wanted to sleep the whole time. But now I finally feel awake. Yay! And I don't have to work tonight.

Samhain/Halloween tomorrow. Going to Haven. Should be fun. If nothing else I get to dance and that always makes me feel good.

Avoiding delving deeply into my thoughts right now. Keeping on the surface to keep me sane.
( Oct. 27th, 2000 10:51 pm)
So I still feel like sleeping all day. So I went to health services and spent 3 hours there. 2 in the waiting room and about 1 in the exam room waiting some more. Didn't really bother me though. Had nothing better to do with my afternoon. Mused about the first initials of the people I've dated and wished to date. For the longest time it was people with j names or boys named matt. Then I laughed because it seems like I'm subconsciously trying to fill in the letters between j and m. (I'll let you ponder on that one).

Thought a lot about escapism. How there are many ways to escape/avoid reality. TV, movies, books, music, art, the internet, sleeping ... although sometimes they remind you of reality. In anycase these have been the occupiers of my time as of late. Unfortunately, I know this only works for so long. Eventually the shows over, the book ends, the cd ends, the paintings done, your connection becomes dumb, and you have to wake up. I wonder if I am sick and really need all this sleep or if its my subconcious.

On a happier note, I am going the Ani concert. My friend had and extra ticket and called me up tonight to see if I wanted to go. Pretty cool.

Off to find some entertaining method of avoiding reality until I get to sleep.
( Oct. 26th, 2000 11:36 pm)
So yesterday I could have slept all day and today I almost did. Went to class and decided that after that I had to go home. So I went home and slept for a good portion of the afternoon. And I am still tired enough to go to sleep soon. Makes me wonder.

Went to ritual tonight..and the fire alarm went off three times. But it didn't bother me. The ritual was great. Something had to be said for doing it big. Especially for someone like myself who really needs to endulge their younger self more often then not to get the wheels going.

I'm setting up my altar this weekend. I promised my self that I would get it done before Samhain and I think I'm ready and I think my room is ready and i can't wait. (Once again thoroughly endulging my younger self)

Still balancing. Still precariously. It's the knowing and the waiting and the unsureness. The loneliness. I wish I wasn't in this by myself, I really want someone to hold my hand right now. But that's a big job and I wouldn't want to give that burden to anyone. So for now I try to do it by myself relying on "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" and hoping a am very strong at the other end (if there is and end, is there every really and end or just a decrease?) Right now it just feels like its making me weaker, taking away what I thought I had gained over these years.

But my life really isn't that bad. I could have it so much worse and sometimes I chide myself for complaining about so many things when there are those who are bravely facing adversity. And I know that once I get my shit together, I want to help those others.

And now sleep.
( Oct. 25th, 2000 09:44 pm)
I could have slept all day, in fact I've slept at all points of the day today when I wasn't obligated to do something else. Now I'm awake so I must attend to all those things that have gotten left behind in the wake of my tumble in the ick.

In limbo right now kinda waiting to see if I go back up or fall back down. Precarious spot.

And I beleive the search for the Rhea's Obsession CD was successful.

To the mess that is my apartment.

To hopes of balancing for as long as possible.




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