...but that is the worst thing that happened to me lately. I'm happy. Yup I feel good. I did think that I would feel this way with my summer coming to a close in 5 days but I do. I had a good weekend. I got to see my family, and one of my friends and I got to go to Salem. I went and saw Rat Race on Monday and it was soooo funny. I had the giggles for the rest of the night. I had the best time at Haven last night. Even before I started drinking I was just in such a good mood. I was so happy to see people and talk to them and wander around and dance and just be there. It was a strange experience being drunkish at the club, but not terrible. Just different. At least it didn't cost me a lot, as it has been said I'm a cheap drunk *giggle* (it doesn't cost a lot to get me drunk, "I am not responsible for any other meaning that might be implied by that" *giggle* I guess I still have the giggles.

I'm nervous and excited about my new job. I start on my birthday, but that doesn't really bother me. I 'm just worried I can't hack it as a teacher. But at the same time I think it will be good for me to be involved in something worth doing again (this summer job has not really been very exciting, it's been easy but boring). Guess I'll just take it one step at a time.

Speaking of that may be why I'm so happy. I think I've been doing more living in the moment and less always worrying about the next one. I think I need to try and keep this up.

So I need to buy a toothbrush.
( Nov. 11th, 2000 02:12 am)
I can't believe it actually happened. I had given up on the moment ever occuring. (course that's when things tend to occur to me, when I let go of them happening) I havent' felt anything for weeks and now my body won't stop tingling. Sensory overload. I'm somewhere between laughing and crying and I haven't had this much energy in weeks. And I suppose it's a really good thing. But whoa...my thoughts just keep spinning. Must just enjoy, must just enjoy. (Now I am just going to let you be curious hehehe. I know I'm mean and evil)

I bought myself a happy toy (no it does not use batteries :) )
My roommate has a big sebastian (from the little mermaid) in her car cause she said it makes her smile and keeps her sane. So I bought my self a mini beanie Bubbles (the powerpuff girl) and she is going to go everywhere with me. So far it works. She makes me smile.

And even before above moments, I actually felt a little bit lighter today. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. However far away it is.
Today was such a beautiful day

On the way home I looked up at the sky and I saw a perfect v of birds flying overhead towards the sunset and it made me feel so happy to be alive.

Tonight I got watch, in my opinion, the most beautiful girl in the club dance. And she is so amazing when she dances. She is so amazing all the time. And she wanted me to stay. I danced on air all the way home.

The music was amazing. And now the frantic search to find their CD so I can relive the night and hear more of the music. The singer was so captivating.

And the boy...there is still a candle burning.

I rose above the ick tonight. I felt so free. I let myself go on the dance floor. I wish I could dance more. Dance it all away.

And friends, old and new, people who seemed happy to see me and wanted to talk to me.

I want to take this night and put it in a jar so I can hold it and take it out when the ick returns which I hope it doesn't but I'm afraid it might. But not soon. Too many fun things this week, and lots of cool people.

I'm going to sleep to have dreams of the beautiful girl and her dancing.




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