Okay, excuse me while I have a nervous breakdown in the middle of the office at work. This has been the craziest week. I haven't gotten much sleep and now I can't sleep very well because I came home the other night to find my back door open. It was chained but it was open. That and other events have me very jumpy. So I don't sleep well since every noise wakes me up.

I haven't found a job yet. And they pay preschool teachers crap. I mean I didn't get in it for the money but I need to be able to live.

And I'm gonna go beat down the white house door about health insurance. I'm not sure if I have any cause I can't get the health insurance company to give me a straight answer. I've been sent fifteen million different places trying to find some free or cheap care. Everyone wants to make me wait. Well this can't wait, yet its not emergency room material. But if I wait it could be very bad. So I'm very mad at the health care system because it shouldn't be so hard for any one to get health care and it doesn't make sense that just because I finally finished school that I don't get any health care.

So between all the craziness, the lack of sleep, the mosquito bites, the stupid sundburn on my head, and not being able to get to a doctor I've had it.

It seems if I do go to a doctor my parents have to pay money that they don't really have. Of course, I'm broker than I have ever been so I don't have the money. I'm not even sure that I have enough to cover the bills. I don't get paid until next Friday. My parents have given me quite a bit of money this semester and when I had done my budget in the winter I thought that I could afford to live without working until I got a summer job. I don't know where the money went. I swear I didn't shop that much, but I guess I did more than I was supposed to. So I really have to but all the cool things I wanted to buy on hold until I get a real job, if I get one. No more consumer therapy. And I'm waiting for my mom to really give it to me about going on vacation. Of course, see I'm not paying for vacation (except when we are down there and I'm good at finding bargins so).

So if I go to the club and I seem distraught and start ranting and raving at you about things, don't take it personally. Hopefully, I will just do my best to forget about it all and have a good night.
( Nov. 6th, 2000 10:36 pm)
grrrrrrrrrrr!!! rrrr!
frustration and anger reign as queen and king right now
people who don't take my phone call
can't stand it
can't get away from it
tomorrow's not soon enough
messy apartment
dirty dishes
crazy roommate (look who's talking)
ignored homework
realizing it is all still there
all of it
too tired to escape
too much to sleep

"And I'm so terrified of no on else but me
I'm here all the time
and I won't go away
It's me
yeah well I can't get myself to go away"
-Matchbox 20 "Long Day"




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